Paranoia is Always the Ideal Course To Laughter
by aloquaciousgirl
Summary: Bella is obsessing over Edward's refusal to turn her into a vampire. Jasper tries to distract her when they have some time between the two of them.


Title: **Because Paranoia is Always the Ideal Course To Laughter**

Pairing/Characters: Jasper/Bella; Canon

Rating: K

Summary: Bella is obsessing over Edward's refusal to turn her into a vampire. Jasper tries to distract her when they have some time between the two of them.

Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight, not me. Thank you to her for allowing us to dabble in her creation.

Warnings/Notes: This one has recieved very little editing on my part, and is the product of a sleepless night to be followed by a curtains up in nine short hours. Don;t have high expectaion, I was just trying to write something to take my mind off of the stress and make myself laugh.

* * *

"Paranoia isn't healthy, Bella."

I heard Jasper's low cold whisper in my ear and thought about how much it differed from Edward's, and also how similar it was. Edward's voice was like velvet, and Jasper's like silk and try as I may it was a murmur I couldn't ignore.

"I'm not paranoid." I muttered, gripping my pencil tighter and trying to focus on the book in front of me. I knew I couldn't have the least bit of focus otherwise, not when Jasper was talking in the way he did that made me question every thought that went through my mind.

There was a long moment of silence but I couldn't bring myself to look up at him. When I was trying to think…it was difficult to be around Jasper.

"Be careful," Jasper said quietly, "I think that if you grip that pencil any tighter its going to splinter in your hand and make you bleed."

I looked down at my hand gripping the pencil and realized that he was probably right; I could even see a small crack in the side of the wooden barrel. This stress and uncertainty was really starting to get to me.

"Decent point." I muttered, tossing the unhelpful object down on the table.

"I thought so." Jasper agreed with me easily.

He was quiet for a moment and I decided that he must be analyzing my emotions. I decided that if I was able to switch my emotions around and confuse him like I knew some people did to throw off Edward on their thoughts…I would.

"Why won't you look at me Bella?"

I didn't need to look up to know that Jasper was smiling, naturally my mental anguish must be very entertaining for him. He must not get that all that all that often in a house of vampires.

"Because you're very annoying," I remarked, wondering if Jasper would back down should Mike decide to join us at the table.

Now that was a sight I could only try to imagine. Mike and Jasper staring each other down…no, I didn't imagine that a battle that would last very long. I couldn't stifle the smile as I thought of Mike, poor, innocent, Mike telling Jasper to leave me alone. Better than that, Mike Newton threatening Jasper, and telling him to go away.

I snorted.

"No I'm not." Jasper said.

His vocalization didn't interrupt my imagination enough to derail the peals of laughter that burst forth with Jasper's denial of his behavior. Really, it was impossible to talk to him when he was like this, constantly digging through my emotions. It was almost frustrating enough to distract me from my irritancy with Edward.

Jasper smirked as I continued to laugh. Apparently, he was in a terrific mood, unlike myself.

I took a breath and tried to stop laughing but when I got caught up laughing like this, in a fit of hysterics, it was difficult to stop sometimes.

"What is so entertaining?" I asked when I got control of myself again.

Jasper gestured to Rosalie, two tables behind us, who was glaring at me-_us_-none to nicely.

"I bet Rosalie a new engine that I could make you laugh."

"An engine. You played with my emotions so you could get an engine?" I glared at him. "What am I? A shiny new toy?"

Jasper shook his head, "Bella, you're not especially new." He deadpanned.

Oh funny, that was downright hysterical. Vampires were really just terrific comedieans.

I threw my hands up in the air in exasperation. "You." I poked him pointedly in the chest. "_Are _annoying."

Jasper laughed, and I watched Mike take his seat at the table two seats away from me, Lauren and Jessica next to him.

It was really just a big, happy get together. I really hoped Alice and Edward joined the party soon. God knew human wit was just no match for the Cullens.

"Not nearly as annoying as Edward though, am I?" Jasper raised an eyebrow teasingly.

I frowned, Jasper's comfort level around me was annoying. I think I liked him better when he thought he shouldn't be around me.

Unfortunately, he was right.

"I know." Jasper grinned, "Don't feel bad though, Edward does love you."

"Oh, thank you Jasper. That makes me feel so much better."

"It should." Jasper's tone turned serious, and he looked at me carefully.

Sarcasm was clearly lost on vampires.

I glanced over at Mike and saw him gripping his fork in the way I had been with my pencil, it was amazing what Jasper's presence could do. I turned to Mike, who greeted me in a tone that betrayed his body language.

"Hi Bella."

"Hey Mike," My eyes fell on the fork. "Careful you don't break your fork…those plastic shards are sharp."

I looked back to Jasper and swore that he was fighting back a laugh.

"Aren't they, Jasper?" I asked, "Dangerous things…prone to making people bleed?"

Jasper finally chuckled, and nodded his head slowly. "Very true."

If all else failed, maybe I could stab myself with a spork and Jasper would bite me, and then Alice and Edward could pull him off before he killed me. Oh, that was a genius idea...yep. I was surpassing desperate.

However, that was still a possibility that I was filing under the _if all else failed back up to become a vampire_ folder in my brain.


End file.
